I had goals. For today, this week, this summer — I knew what I was going to do, and I was going to do it. People asked me, “So what are you going to do this summer?”, and I could easily list off several things. I was going to learn this and do that and read this and get that done. I was going to go on adventures, tackle big projects at home, become stronger and fitter.
But what I didn’t have on the list was … a fractured foot.
That put a skew in things.
And now my job is to sit around and do pretty much absolutely NOTHING. Nothing.
Yes, it could be worse, but I have so much to do I have this and that piling up everywhere that need to get done and I don’t have time to just do whatever and be a lazy bum and I need to accomplish enough things and climb mountains and perform miracles and actually do something with my life and I know I’m whining but please I just really, really, really need to get this stuff done and ….
But I’m slowly realizing, as hard as it is to admit, that maybe this is good for me. Maybe this is just God’s way of telling me to s l o w i t d o w n and just rest. I have a tendency to place my value and my worth in my usefulness, my accomplishments, how much I get done in a given day. I have a mental checklist where I *have* to get a certain number of things done in order to … be worth anything. Over the school year, I have gotten so caught up in the to-do lists, the daily grind, the pushing, the semester grades, the 2 a.m. studying, the getting everything done, I’m losing sight of what’s important: finding my rest and worth in Christ, not in my works. Not in what I can do, or how much I can do, or how hard I can push myself to the breaking point. He is my strength when I am weak. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t need anyone, or depend on another person at the cost of inconveniencing them. But I do. I do need someone. I do need people. And I need Christ.
I see now my mistake. And I need no longer to rely on my own strength. Because from where does my help come?