i am not a size zero, and that’s okay.

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I don’t look like the models off of magazine covers.  I don’t have a thigh gap. You can’t see the bones in my shoulders. Not anymore.

If you would’ve told me a little over a year ago, that someday I would rather have pizza than hip bones, that I would weigh more than I ever have, that I would love lifting weights, I would’ve called you a liar.

I mean, back then I was 100 lbs, counting calories, and trying to become as skinny as possible. (Although I would never admit it.)

But life’s like a box of chocolates, isn’t it?

And then CrossFit. Little did I know that my world would flip upside down, in terms of health & fitness. I would be looking at strong, well-muscled women for inspiration, not skinny girls that probably starve themselves.

And now, I weigh 120 lbs, I don’t wear a size zero, I can squat my body weight, and, I eat and not feel guilty about it.

Since when does our society get to determine our worth?

I get my worth from Jesus Christ. Not from a 20 inch waist. Not from unrealistic standards of what I should look like.

It took a long time for me to realize this. And now I’m okay. I don’t need to be a size 0. Or a size 2. You know, I don’t really have to measure myself by any “size” at all.

God gave me bigger thighs, broader shoulders, a tummy that’s not pancake-flat, dimples, and stretch marks.

And He loves me. Values me.

He crafted me, molded me, in my mother’s womb. He made me the way I am.

And I wouldn’t change that for anything.

 

12 thoughts on “i am not a size zero, and that’s okay.

  1. Bravo!!! What an encouraging post, Rachel. I too have struggled with an eating disorder and have recently improved on it, but what has helped me the most was strength-training and running, kinda similar to what you have experienced. 🙂 Could you tell me more about Crossfit? I’m really interested in it and would like to know more about it. Is it sport and do you compete? What’s the hardest exercise to do? How long does a session last? Please do tell. 🙂

    Take care,
    ~Nela
    http://desiringgodsdesires.blogspot.com/

    • I would love to! CrossFit is a broad, general fitness. So it’s not just cardio, and it’s not just weights — it makes you better in both areas. Crossfit also seeks to build cardiovascular & respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, coordination, agility, balance, and accuracy. Basically, it’s built to enhance a person’s ability to take on and accomplish all physical tasks.

      It’s constantly varied (rarely do you do the same workout more than once), it’s high intensity, and it’s functional (teaching you how to pick up heavy objects correctly in daily life, etc.)

      We do a lot of “old style” exercises, like push-ups, pull-ups, box jumps, sit ups, sprints, weight training, etc., etc. If you can’t do, let’s say a pull-up (like me), you work up to it & build the strength for it. We also do weight lifts like cleans, deadlifts, back squats, front squats, Bulgarian split squats, shoulder presses, bench presses, etc.

      (I hope I didn’t just sound like a boring old textbook :P)

      In a way, it’s a sport. Have you heard of the CrossFit Games? They’re a worldwide competition of CrossFit athletes. (They are in AMAZING shape!) They are also plenty of state-wide and local CrossFit competitions.

      The hardest exercise? I think it depends on the person. For me, running is the hardest (because it is my weakness). But for some people, the back squat or the deadlift might be more challenging for them. It just varies for each individual.

      I’m not 100% sure if all CrossFit gyms follow this, but mine has 1 hr classes, usually 3-4 days a week.

      The most important thing with CrossFit though, if you join one of their gyms, is make sure the coach knows what he’s doing, who actually watches your lifts, challenges you but doesn’t push you beyond your abilities, and who emphasizes safety as a rule, not a guideline. I have an AWESOME coach who does all these things, and because of him I have made SO much progress. I couldn’t have done it without him, there’s no way. He’s all about safety, and all about getting people stronger 🙂

      I’ve barely touched the surface, believe it or not! If you want more information, feel free to ask more questions, and maybe take a looksie at these, if you want 😀 (They probably explain it waaaay more thoroughly than I ever could!)

      http://www.crossfit.com/cf-info/what-is-crossfit.html

      http://www.crossfit.com/cf-info/faq.html

      • I just wanted to let you know that when I kept reading about crossfit on your blog, I ended up researching it and started doing at home crossfit workouts about three months ago. I loved it and have been doing scaled/altered versions of the WOD nearly every day now! I was excited to learn that there is a crossfit box in my town… Might look into it in the future, but it is a bit expensive. :/ Anyway, I love how quick, varied, and effective the WODs are. And I have more muscle definition than before!!! I pretty much credit all this happiness to looking up “this crossfit thing” after reading your blog. So yeah. I pretty much love you and your blog to pieces. 😀

      • Oh my word, that is so cool! I didn’t know that! That makes me happy 🙂

        Yes, CrossFit is pretty expensive. But it’s SOO worth it.

        I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! The at-home WODs are really great, too.

        Aw, Ariel, you are such a sweet person ❤ God bless you, girl!

  2. Way to go, Rachel!! We have super similar body types it seems, and sometimes I can be rather discouraged by my ‘tummy that’s not pancake flat’. But I love how you brought it back to what (or Who) really matters. 🙂 HE is where my worth comes from. Thank you for this, always as inspiring and uplifting as usual! 😀

    • I’m so glad, Madison! It’s so easy to get sucked into the culture’s idea of what we should be or look like. But because of Jesus we have been redeemed, bought at a price 😀

  3. Awesome Rachel! I so needed to read this post. I’m going to look up Crossfit too. It sounds cool. Thanks for being open and posting this! xoxo Halle

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