lead me in the way everlasting…

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in–behind and before;
 You have laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too much for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your Presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn;
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there Your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become lie night to me,”
Even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.
For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was hidden in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
If only You would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
Your adversaries misuse Your Name.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord,
and abhor those who rise up against You?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

~Psalm 139, NIV

awkward and awesome: moments from my life


~ slipping on the rubber part of your razor and nearly falling in a big heap on your shower foor

~ when you’re sleeping and your arm falls asleep so you try to move your arm in a more comfortable position and your arm decides to wack you in the face instead

~ trying to hold on to a wet bar of soap

~ trying to dust when you’ve got a cold (*achoo!::cough::achoo!::cough::achoo!achoo!achoo!::cough,cough::achoo!*, etc)

~receiving a text when you’re half asleep: it’s like looking into the sun

~ when you’re drinking some water and the ice just suddenly attacks your face

~ going through a whole day without wearing your contacts

~ having to explain to people what courtship is in comparison to dating

~ when you’re a few minutes late for class and everyone’s staring at you like you just killed five people or something 😉

~ when some guy at a store thinks you work there because you’re still in your school uniform and having to explain that you, in fact, DON’T work there but you can still help him anyway

~ when you have to clean some windows in your house, and you have to stand on the back of the couch to reach the top, because you’re so short. yup, that’s how we shorties rock and roll, people. 😉

~ sneezing really, really loud in a really, really quiet room

~ mouthwash-flavored nyquil. now that’s just awkward.

~ eating when your nose is stuffed up with a cold, so you can hardly taste anything

~ wearing jeans that are too big for you


~ being sick with a cold but still being treated like a princess anyway 🙂

~ watching P&P for possibly the who-knows-what time

~ when you’re told that you should be Chuck Norris’s stunt double. 😉

~ drinking coffee in the morning: coffee doesn’t ask silly questions. coffee understands.

~ learning how to edit pictures so they look nicer

~ realizing you’re going to Idaho again soon!

~ getting a three by five during deer season when you’ve only been hunting for three years. and you may have done a quiet little happy dance too 🙂

~ and when your awesome aunt comes to stay with you. and you may have done another happy dance too 🙂


What’s awkward or awesome about your week? 🙂

“cowgirl is a condition of the heart” ~joyce gibson roach


I’ve watched movies about ’em. I’ve read books about ’em. I’ve heard stories about ’em. And, you know, not a whole lot of people know this about me, but ever since I was little, I wanted to be a cowgirl. Not the seductive model type that wears boots and a cowboy hat you see in magazines everywhere, but a real cowgirl.

The dream lives long within my heart.

A dream, I think, that will never die.

I told people this, when that aching fire first sparked and crackled and glowed within me. Yes, I have been laughed at. Yes, I’ve been told that “that won’t last long”. Yes, I’ve been told that it’s too much time and too much money and even though I have this yearning that won’t go away it just…won’t…be…worth it. And yes, this will probably not be the last time I am told these things. But did this discourage me? Yes, actually, it did.
For a long time.
For a long, long time.
A part of me died, those agonizing words bouncing around the inside of my skull for years to come.
And then I was invited to stay in Idaho.
That definitely was going to change things.
My mom was smiling at me, waiting for my response at this piece of good news as Uncle Jimmy patiently waited on the other line of the phone.
I smiled slightly, and a small part of me came alive. But then I smothered that small spark, afraid it would burn long and hard again only to be smothered by someone else’s painful words.
I inwardly shrugged my shoulders and continued washing the dishes.

But what I didn’t realize was…I didn’t put the fire completely out.

Packing was a pain, and shopping was even more of a pain (for those of you who don’t know…I don’t really care for shopping…). I bought six (?) pair of socks, a pair of new boots, five pair of jeans, six or seven new shirts, and lotsa kleenex (yes, LOTS of kleenex, because of the smoke from all the fires).
We meet close to Burns.
I take a deep breath, then sigh slightly. It was a long drive. I see her drive up in a big pickup truck with a big, friendly smile on her face. I feel like a bother, because it suddenly hit me that everybody– everybody, my uncle, my cousin McKatee, cousin Ty, my parents, everyone– was doing all this for me. Because they knew I wanted to be a cowgirl, not aware that I had lost hope.
So I say my goodbyes, and head down a dirt road with McKatee and her boyfriend. I didn’t know whether to be excited or to be afraid. However, no matter how I felt, I was afraid that I would humiliate myself in some way or other because of my lack of knowledge. But, man, could I ever be more wrong. That very first night, they invited me to play volleyball with them and we played in the dark except for the stars, the moon, and the front lights of two pickup trucks.
I had the time of my life.

{my uncle’s barn}

{idaho sunset}

         I learned how to doctor calves, horse-back ride better (including how to post!), and to not care what people think of me. I learned how to work hard. I learned that when someone offers you bug spray to keep the mosquitoes away, to not try to look tough and brave it out. (I guarantee you will be eaten alive.) And, more than anything, I learned not to let people’s biting words squelch my dream of being a cowgirl someday.

          I don’t know if it’s God’s plan for me to own a ranch. To ride horses into the sunset with a handsome cowboy *grin*. I don’t even know if it’s His plan for me to ride horses, rope calves, and milk goats the rest of my life. But what I do know? A cowgirl is more than just a girl who wears boots and chaps and ropes cattle from sun up to sun down. A cowgirl is a condition of the heart. Always strong, always reliable, not afraid to get dirty for the glory of God, but yet can look as fresh as a daisy in half an hour (or more ;)) just in time for church. She’s feminine, but tough. She’s strong when her world is falling apart, she works hard at any task the Lord has for her. She girds herself with strength. She reaches her hands to the needy. She always speaks with kindness. She is a lily among thorns. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and can laugh at the days to come. And she fears the Lord with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength. This is who I wanna be. This is the way to live. This is the heart of a cowgirl.*